Your mouth is God's brothel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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