I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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