i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
