YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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