in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize