someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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