Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
