Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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