i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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