this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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