i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
