Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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