he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
