Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sobbing to NWA
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
