Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
