I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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