Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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