WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.