youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .