I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
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I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.