I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
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It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.