Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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