I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.