I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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