I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
