I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
