On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
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lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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