I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
