Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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