Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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