omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
