I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
