Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
