Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
