Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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