i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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