I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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