Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
