First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
