Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
