Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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