When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
