I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
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He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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