I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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