Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize