forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
