Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
