Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
