How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
