I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
