She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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