I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
