what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
