We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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