I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
These tits shall not be calmed
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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