Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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