i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
