I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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