I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
