He asked to "fluff my boner.."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
