i just google imaged poop.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
