Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Houston, we have a squirter
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
