He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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