I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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