do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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