Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
