Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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