What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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