whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
