Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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