So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
