you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
