question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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