Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
