I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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