He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
