I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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