I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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