What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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