I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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