Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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