was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
