He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize