me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
