so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
